Email: Signatures

Attention, good people of America:

If you have a job, you most likely have a work email account. If you do not, you probably don't understand this blog and are just in awe of my mastery of the English language.

When sending email from work, we generally like to sound professional. We use words that we might not use when we're talking to our friends and we have a signature attached to each and every email.

An email signature is usually formatted in this manner:
Your Name
Your Title
Your Contact Information

Sounds easy, doesn't it?  Well, as we all know, there are people in life that just feel the need to complicate things further. These people tend to format their email signatures in the following ways:
Name
Title
Contact Information
"Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing."
~*A man doesn't become old until his regrets take the place of his dreams.*~

Since we're here to be rude, I would like to say: I AM AN OLD MAN.* The regrets I have from reading your gaywad email quotes have taken the place of any dreams I had of getting some work done today.

Well done. You've been such a blessing.

A signature might also be formatted in this way:
Name
Title
Contact Information
*PHOTOGRAPH FROM MYSPACE*

Lets break this down:
1. Email was invented to avoid face-to-face contact. You know its true. No photo necessary.
2. Myspace is history. Us kids all use Facebook now.  Its literally a book of faces. They leave it on your doorstep in a blue bag on top of the Yellow Pages.
3. If you MUST include a photo of yourself in your signature, find one that makes you look nice, preferably from Facebook. Not one that looks like you're a "person of Myspace." You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Other signatures might include the following quotes:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, those who mind, don't matter." Dr. Seus
There are so many things wrong with this:
1. The types of people who have this quote in their signature have "Old Man Syndrome"* and are promoting it. I automatically hate you.
2. When quoting Dr. Seuss, you've gotta spell the name right, dummy.
3. I just spent a good 15 minutes trying to figure out if I matter or if I don't. That was 15 minutes I could have been working on whatever it was you requested. Now you'll have to wait, because its lunch time and I need my Slim 5 and Jimmy Chips, PRONTO.

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." ~Thomas Edison

I give up.

*Old Man Syndrome:
When a man turns 60, (sometimes before then) he gets this idea that he is old and can do and say whatever the hell he wants. He can cut you off in the parking lot, he can invade your personal space with his grabby man-hands, he can make body noises or tell you that you're lookin' kinda chunky these days.
That's what HE thinks. This, however is not the case. You are old, you have been around long enough to realize that there is this thing called manners. You had them for 59 years! Unfortunately, the rest of us have to live with you for at least 20 more years. Do us all a favor and do not give in. Don't give up. You know how Tomas Edison would feel if he were still around. (See above quote).